The last time I did standup comedy was 2018 at an open mic at the Laugh-In Comedy Cafe in Fort Myers, Florida. I had no reason for doing it; it was just kind of on a whim. I wrote five minutes of material that day and just went. I did okay. Some of the jokes landed, others kind of thudded. I do remember that one of my bits required me to gesture with my right arm, and as I did, it was shaking from nervousness. That actually pissed me off, but there was nothing I could do about it. Nerves had taken over. It was like I had a temporary bout with Parkinson’s.
After the show, a girl came up to me and said, “I thought you were funny, but a little sexist.”
“Um, thanks?”
“No, you were pretty good. Just watch the sexism.”
I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. I did do material about the relationship with my wife, poking a little bit of fun at her, but most of my stuff was self-deprecating. I couldn’t help thinking, it’s been four years since I stopped performing professionally. Have the rules changed?
I decided I didn’t care. I’m not doing this shit anymore anyway.
As I announced on my last Substack, that last sentence ended up being a big fat fucking lie. One of my best friends, Deric Cahill, also a former comic, became a viral TikTok sensation and decided to remove the “former” descriptor from his title. He’s monetizing his newfound fame with a comedy tour! People, listen carefully: when funny TikTokers get famous and decide to do standup, they usually suck balls. Standup is so different from any other art form. Being able to create funny videos does NOT mean you can grab a mic and entertain a crowd.
This is why what’s happening with Deric is so perfect. He already knew the art of comedy, so TikTok fame happening to him is total serendipity. He’s been killing it out there. Club owners are telling him they definitely want him back.
And now he wants to drag me along. I think I already wrote this, but at first I didn’t want to perform, but reconsidered. So I’ll be doing guest spots at (I assume) four or five shows as we road trip around the Great Northwest. I’m excited, but, yeah, I actually have to be ready to perform.
Which means getting on stage NOW.
“When are you going?” Max Doyle, another comic texted me in early April.
“May 8th through the 11th.” I replied.
“Ummmmm u might wanna get moving, you know this shit ain’t like riding a bike, right?”
He’s absolutely correct. The comedy stage is something you build a relationship with. Neglect it too long and it becomes unwelcoming. There is very little muscle memory in standup. Remember above how I said my arm was shaking from four years of absence? Now it’s been six years since the four-years-of-absence show. In other words, I’d been on stage exactly once in the last ten years.
Max offered me a spot in one of his comedy lineups anyway. Most comedy shows have a host, a feature act, and a headliner, and plenty of them also have a “guest comedian” before the feature. Max already had a guest in the lineup, but offered me five minutes after the first guest.
I did…okay. It felt quiet after my punchlines, but in my defense I saw tables of people laughing; I just couldn’t hear them. We were on an outdoor stage so there was no ceiling to capture the laughs and make them contagious.1 Max said he liked my material, but that I was stepping on my words too much. (“Stepping on your words” is when you’re so anxious to get your words out you don’t finish a word before you start your next one. It’s an excellent indicator that you’re nervous, spewing your material out, and not “in the moment”.)
I honestly felt like I sucked, but the other comics were supportive, and a few audience members came up to me afterward with congrats. I guess I wasn’t horrible. Also: my arm never shook.
Tonight, May 1st at 8PM, there’s an open mic at Stet’s Bar in Fort Myers, FL. I guess I’m going. Let’s see if I’m a little better this time. If you’re local, please come out. Make sure to tell me I was amazing afterward.
~JCS
One of the secrets of standup: in a typical room, you only need to get 30% of the crowd to laugh, because laughter is contagious. But this doesn’t work outdoors or in any room with high ceilings. That’s why most comedy clubs have low ceilings.
That's awesome. Congrats man!
Congrats for getting back on the horse! Good luck tonight!